With Woman

What better way to describe what doulas do – we are with women.

It can be looked at from the literal context of being present with women. This happens during the last stages of their pregnancy, throughout the birth, and the early moments with their new baby. Being present means being in the moment, in tune with her as she is giving birth. Doulas help women listen to their bodies, their minds, and their hearts – and let them know that no matter what decision they make, it is their decision, they are in control. With women also means that we are with the people that they love. Partners, family, and friends that may be present and want to support her aren’t always sure what she is looking for and we can gently guide them so they are supporting her, so she feels that connection with them. Our ears are always listening. Many times our words are few but our touch or our gaze is reassuring and strengthening.

I also thought about it from a more metaphorical sense – instead of being with child, we are with women. We are ever pregnant and ever birthing. We are always conceiving ideas and ways to help women and families grow in supportive ways, filled with empowerment, trust, and love. It is through the gestation period that we work on new ideas and help them develop into solid plans to support women, to change the system, to make it accessible. Through birth, the plans and goals come to fruition.

It means that a doula is balancing supporting the individual woman and family who is birthing but also bringing about change in our society so birth becomes a celebration and a normal part of our lives instead of the medical parade. I don’t know many women who were keen on staff walking in the room without even knocking at a moment where she may feel vulnerable.

As a doula, I am with women – I am on their team. I am not hired by a midwifery clinic, a hospital, or any other agency. I am invited by women and their families. There is no one more important in that room than the mother giving birth. If she has a request, needs a cool cloth, wants a suggestion for a new position, asks for massage, then I am there. I work with doctors and midwives to ensure that her questions are answered, she feels confident in her team, and she is being respected and heard.

With women, I am an advocate. I am an advocate for anything they need or want. If a woman decides she would like to eat during her labour at a hospital, then I encourage her to do some research. I may point her in the direction of a few articles to get her started and encourage her to bring it up with her health care provider. Some women feel that it may be a battle, so prior to the appointment, we can role play the conversation to help her gain confidence. It isn’t easy to stand up to people, especially when we may have been brought up not to question their authority. Women do have the right to ask questions, get reliable information, and make their own decisions about their bodies and their babies.

I am also a women’s cheerleader. I believe in her ability to birth in a way that will bring her joy. Everyone has different expectations of what birth will be or what they may want to happen. It is my role to help her find the tools inside herself to make it happen, confidence and empowerment being the two most common.

I find that more and more I am becoming a women’s library. Libraries are a great place to get connected with the local community. You get to meet some of the other people who live in the neighbourhood, talk, understand the culture of the community. It is the same in the birth world. A doula is that connection to everything mom and baby related. We can tell you about the different breastfeeding clinics, who is or isn’t covered under OHIP, what early year’s centre is near by and the programs they are offering, what doctors support women with breech babies, where to turn with concerns in early pregnancy, which chiropractors have training in the Webster technique (to turn breech babies), who does acupuncture to help morning sickness, and the list goes on. Even though a doula is there for part of the journey, we let you find your way. We provide you with options and you make the best decision for you in that moment. Connecting you to community resources means that you can continue to access support. Of course, a doula has a lot of information she could share too but the connections are more meaningful. Like they say “if you teach a man to fish, he will eat for life”.

As a doula, I also find it helpful to be connected to the woman I am. Not all doulas are women but I think it is important to be connected to yourself, your beliefs, and your views. I know who I am, how I like to birth, where I would choose to give birth. Knowing all of this, I can set it aside to support a woman who may choose differently. I respect her decision because she isn’t me. Her family is different, her body is different, her life experiences are not identical to mine. My goal is that she feels in control of the process, which helps increase her satisfaction with the experience.

As a doula…I am with woman, in every sense imaginable.