Navigating the NICU

Many babies are born at term and are healthy. There are a number of other children who need support in their early days. My daughter was one of those who stayed in the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit).

The NICU can have a lot of staff walking around and your baby might be seen by many of them throughout the day. Who exactly will care for your baby?

The first person is YOU! You, the parents of this new baby are encouraged to take care of your baby as much as possible. This includes all the care you would have done at home: feeding, diapering, baths, singing songs, kangaroo care (skin-to-skin), reading books, and more. You are the most important careprovider because you are coming from a place of love for this little one and they will know it, no matter how early they may have arrived.

Your baby will have a pediatrician or neonatologist. This is the doctor that your baby will be assigned to. This is the person to discuss treatment plans with and work with them to get the care you would like to see for your baby.

Nurses are a big part of the team too. They are the ones who are interacting most with your baby (other than you). They will make sure that medications are on time, that the monitors are connected properly, and they will help you learn to care for your baby if there are additional considerations (usually machines and wires).

Respiratory Technologist (or RT for short). If your baby needs oxygen or any breathing support, they will be making sure that the treatment is working for your baby and providing instructions to the nursing staff about it. You can certainly ask them questions too about the support they are providing for your child.

Even little baby’s see dieticians sometimes. They ensure that they are getting the vitamins and calories to ensure optimal growth.

Lactation consultants are also available to help in the NICU. Baby’s who can’t suck yet can still get breastmilk. The lactation consultants can help you with questions about pumping, latching, and ensuring you establish a solid milk supply for your baby when he/she is ready.

Occupational Therapists (OTs) make sure that your baby is meeting developmental milestones. Most of these involve feeding skills but they can also answer questions about infant behaviours.

With all of the technical staff who each have an area of expertise, many NICUs have the support of a social worker or pastoral services. A lot can happen in short periods of time, which makes the intensive care unit an intense experience for some. Don’t be afraid to reach out to these people. They can listen and help you navigate your time there. Your hospital may offer a variety of resources for you and they can be your link to accessing some of the hidden gems. It is also important that at a time like this, when you face unexpected outcomes, that you surround yourself with positive support and take care of yourself so you can better care for your baby.

The neonatal intensive care unit can be a busy place but getting to know the staff who are participating with you in caring for your baby and building that relationship early, you can help your baby get a great start.

Speaking about Stretch Marks

Pregnancy pictures in many magazines don’t show stretch marks (unless it is an ad for the newest product). However, stretch marks are a reality that many women have during pregnancy.

We have been conditioned by our society to try to prevent stretch marks or try to hide them once they appear. This is usually with the latest product (cream, oil, etc). Many of the women that I work with tell me that they used product ‘x’ and it didn’t work. They focus on their bodies being destroyed by their babies. This continues into our societal thinking that our babies destroy our lives by being “demanding”, wanting to feed to often, asking to be held often. Stretch marks can then become depressing. It can signify a loss of the body that was. It begins our spiral into never really appreciating our body it’s true magnificence. Our body was able to grow a baby and give birth in its own way. If you were to take a moment and write stretch marks in a search engine, you are immediately confronted with treatment options. We are only making ourselves feel bad about the people we are and passing that guilt onto our children.

There are a few women who have decided to change their perception about stretch marks. Some say that it is their warrior marks. It brings to mind the idea that women are strong, fierce, and ready for the road ahead that is labour, birth, and parenting. It can be a celebrated look of motherhood. One that says ‘I did it!’ and maybe ‘I would do it again’. It might not be in many magazines or walking the runway, but it is a reality – and we all know that reality is not captured in the on the catwalk. If we can celebrate with each other our bodies and get to understand them the way they are, the way they change as we grow, age, and live, then maybe we can start to celebrate the real people we are. We might also start to listen more to our babies as we grow in trust with our own bodies. Our babies can tell us when they are hungry, when they have had enough, when they want to be held and when they are too warm.

Reframing is a useful tool that we can use anytime in our lives to help us change negative thoughts or concepts that don’t work for us. Stretch marks don’t have to be the way society wants us to see them. What if we called it strength marks? Or what if stretch was an analogy for being flexible in the way we want to see ourselves and our children?

We are teaching each other that stretch marks have no place in our bodies. Yet, our society is okay with putting in foreign objects like implants for cosmetic reasons, or changing our nose just because we don’t like what we were born with. Are we paying the price for not understanding or valuing our bodies just the way they are?  What values do we want to pass on to our children? Do we want to make them feel bad for changing our bodies? 

How do you see stretch marks? How would you reframe them?