Speaking about Stretch Marks

Pregnancy pictures in many magazines don’t show stretch marks (unless it is an ad for the newest product). However, stretch marks are a reality that many women have during pregnancy.

We have been conditioned by our society to try to prevent stretch marks or try to hide them once they appear. This is usually with the latest product (cream, oil, etc). Many of the women that I work with tell me that they used product ‘x’ and it didn’t work. They focus on their bodies being destroyed by their babies. This continues into our societal thinking that our babies destroy our lives by being “demanding”, wanting to feed to often, asking to be held often. Stretch marks can then become depressing. It can signify a loss of the body that was. It begins our spiral into never really appreciating our body it’s true magnificence. Our body was able to grow a baby and give birth in its own way. If you were to take a moment and write stretch marks in a search engine, you are immediately confronted with treatment options. We are only making ourselves feel bad about the people we are and passing that guilt onto our children.

There are a few women who have decided to change their perception about stretch marks. Some say that it is their warrior marks. It brings to mind the idea that women are strong, fierce, and ready for the road ahead that is labour, birth, and parenting. It can be a celebrated look of motherhood. One that says ‘I did it!’ and maybe ‘I would do it again’. It might not be in many magazines or walking the runway, but it is a reality – and we all know that reality is not captured in the on the catwalk. If we can celebrate with each other our bodies and get to understand them the way they are, the way they change as we grow, age, and live, then maybe we can start to celebrate the real people we are. We might also start to listen more to our babies as we grow in trust with our own bodies. Our babies can tell us when they are hungry, when they have had enough, when they want to be held and when they are too warm.

Reframing is a useful tool that we can use anytime in our lives to help us change negative thoughts or concepts that don’t work for us. Stretch marks don’t have to be the way society wants us to see them. What if we called it strength marks? Or what if stretch was an analogy for being flexible in the way we want to see ourselves and our children?

We are teaching each other that stretch marks have no place in our bodies. Yet, our society is okay with putting in foreign objects like implants for cosmetic reasons, or changing our nose just because we don’t like what we were born with. Are we paying the price for not understanding or valuing our bodies just the way they are?  What values do we want to pass on to our children? Do we want to make them feel bad for changing our bodies? 

How do you see stretch marks? How would you reframe them?